Shadows
by AmericanEulogy
Summary: "She lay there for a while, trying not to focus on the throbbing in her head but rather on how tired she was, until she realized she was too tired. Too tired to fall asleep. " Elliot and J.D. break up and it affects her much worse than she expected. Please R & R. One-shot, rated T for dark themes.


**Author's Note:**** Please don't read if you are weak at heart, haha, my first Scrubs story, I hope you enjoy it. It deals with issues to do with Elliot. I have always seen her as very insecure, and out of all the characters she was the one I could see doing this the most, aside from Dr. Cox, for whom I will probably also write a story. Please review.**

"Look, J.D., I've had enough of this, okay? I'm sorry." And with that, Elliot Reid turned on her heel and walked sharply out of Sacred Heart hospital, fighting the tears that so readily threatened to fall.

"Elliot! Wait! Please, Elliot!" J.D. called out and raced down the path after her. He couldn't lose her! She made his life great. Elliot continued walking, her pace quickening as she bit back some vicious comment to drive him away, because she knew that if she turned to face him she would melt into his eyes again like she had so many times before, and she couldn't let that happen. She couldn't go back to that place, where she would do anything for him and for love; she had to be strong. It just stung too much to look back. She kept her head held high and stared straight ahead, careful not to blink as to prevent tears from spilling over. She was the picture of a fighter who had lost, but wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"Elliot, please…" J.D. slowed down to a jog, and then stopped completely. He steadied himself, putting his hands on his knees for support, and panted, trying to catch his breath. "Elliot… I love you!" He tried once more, and this time she swung back around and speeded back towards him.

"Look, J.D., I told you. It's over. I'm sorry, but if you can't accept that then I can't help you." She turned and walked away one more time, and this time it would be the last. There was no way he would catch up with her, and she was past the point of caring about looking pathetic in public, so she just let the wave of sadness overcome her as the tears came flowing. Once they began, they just wouldn't stop, and she cried all the way home, and even then the tears didn't stop coming. Eventually they lessened, and she heaved her exhausted body into bed, not bothering to change out of her scrubs or deal with the makeup running down her cheeks and effectively turning her into a zombie bride. All she wanted was to go to sleep, and hope that by morning things would be alright again.

She lay there for a while, trying not to focus on the throbbing in her head but rather on how tired she was, until she realized she was too tired. Too tired to fall asleep. Her eyes stung from crying, they hurt so much she couldn't keep them open, but even so her body wouldn't let itself fall back into the deep sleep she so desperately needed. Frustrated, she ran around the room in a frantic search for her MP3 player, plugged it in and let herself be soothed by the music surrounding her. Eventually she fell into a light, uneasy sleep until she was woken once and for all by a loud thud some three hours later.

Now fully awake, she decided to go out in search for the source of the thud, but upon finding nothing, she returned to her bedroom. She didn't leave home all day, and stayed in her pajamas, watching TV and listening to music and generally feeling sorry for herself. A few more tears streamed and a few more sobs choked through her, and she began to wonder where it was all coming from. Somehow, all she could think about was J.D. and the hurt look on his face when she had left him; seen him for the last time. That would forever be the way she remembered him, and when that realization came to her, an inner pain shot through her and didn't go away again.

By evening, she was once again exhausted but didn't want to try going to sleep again; nothing was worse than laying in the dark, thinking about everything that had gone wrong in her life. All her problems and all her insecurities had bubbled back up to the surface. She began to wonder whether leaving J.D. had been a mistake, but she knew she couldn't turn back. As she read, she became more and more tired, and she had just drifted off when a knock came on the door. She scrambled to open it, half-hoping to see J.D. but also half-hoping it wouldn't be him. She opened the door to a worried-looking Carla.

"Oh, sweetie!" Carla rushed in and pulled Elliot into a hug when she saw the state of her friend; bloodshot, baggy eyes, tear stained cheeks, greasy, matted hair that hung limply around her frail, bony face. "I brought you some food. You need to eat, honey, look at you!" It was true, Elliot hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours, but then again her appetite had been completely driven away. "Elliot, why didn't you call me? Look at you, you need me." Elliot gave a meek shrug and accepted the bowl of Chinese takeout Carla handed her. But no sooner had she taken the first bite than she had to run to the bathroom and watch it come back up, along with the remnants of whatever had been in her stomach.

She puked until her insides ached, and then she collapsed on the bathroom floor by the toilet and fell into a dizzy state of unconsciousness. Carla immediately rushed to her side and called an ambulance, and when Elliot woke up the next time it was to the familiar bright lights of Sacred Heart, only this time from the patient's point of view.

"Honey, a doctor will be with you soon." Laverne told her and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Elliot panicked, hoping it wouldn't be J.D., and was surprisingly relieved to see Dr. Cox strut into her room.

"Now, what do we have here…" he was muttering to himself. "Oh dear God, it's Barbie! What happened to you?" He analyzed her chart and came to a conclusion. "It was just a simple case of not eating enough. Now, you need to keep up a good diet if you want to be healthy, little girl. Have I made myself clear? Now if I ever see you in one of these beds again, there will be hell to pay. You're free to leave." Elliot was glad to be dismissed, after promising to eat a little better, and she made her way home. Carla accompanied her; no way was she leaving her alone tonight. They ate something and watched a little TV. Carla went to sleep on the couch. Elliot went to her bedroom.

Elliot waited until she heard Carla's snores, indicating she was deeply asleep, before she slipped out from under the covers and tiptoed across her room to her chest of drawers. She pulled out an old key from the back of her closet and used it to unlock the third drawer from the bottom. Out of this drawer she pulled a delicate knife covered in crusty blood and began slowly cutting into her arm, lightly at first but getting deeper. She sliced away, the tears gently sliding over her cheeks as she gasped with each fresh pearl of blood pooling from her wrist. She grabbed a Kleenex and pressed it against her arm. Feeling very weak, she stumbled to her bed, her vision swimming, and just barely managed to fall onto it before everything went black. The last thing she saw was J.D.'s face looming in the distance, calling her name, telling her he loved her, the shadow that had followed her around all her life, before it was all gone.

That was the end of Elliot Reid.

**Author's Note:**** Tell me what you thought in a review! Thanks.**


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